The Comedy Club----Post Funny Pictures and Jokes

[MissS]

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[MissS]

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[Homegrwoninillinois]

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If that isn’t the truth…

“Get off my lawn!”

[Cornelius_Gotchberg]

President Calvin Coolidge and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a large chicken farm. They were led on separate tours by separate guides. Mrs. Coolidge’s guide was explaining to her that one cock serviced a significant number of hens. “Does he do that more than once a day?” “Oh, yes,” responded her guide, “many times in one day.” “Tell Mr. Coolidge,” Mrs. Coolidge responded.

When Mr. Coolidge was duly informed of the cock to hen ratio and the fact cocks were busy guys, repeatedly, every day, he asked the guide, “Do they have sex with the same hen each time?” The guide answered, “No,” to which Cal responded, “Tell Mrs. Coolidge.”

The Gotch

[worth1]

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If that isn’t the truth…

“Get off my lawn!”

Mrs Oliver on the corner.
You even think of getting on her lawn and she would start pecking on the window.
This was in the very early 60s.
I think she hated kids.

[Homegrwoninillinois]

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If that isn’t the truth…

“Get off my lawn!”

Mrs Oliver on the corner.
You even think of getting on her lawn and she would start pecking on the window.
This was in the very early 60s.
I think she hated kids.

I like to think of myself more as a Gladys Kravits than a Mrs. Oliver.

Might just be because I was named after the neighbor she was so interested in

If you ask enough people someone might tell you I’m a witch though.
~Sam

[worth1]

My mechanical education started with my first bicycle.
The chain came off and I couldn't get it back on.
I was probably 4 or 5 years old.
Our street was on a hill and on the corner next to Mrs Oliver's house was another hill headed north.
I decided to coast down the hill and that's when I realized I didn't have any brakes.
At the bottom of the hill I flew through the intersection and crashed into a giant live oak tree.
It barked the whole side of my face and my Mom came running to rescue me.
This was around the time JFK was shot in Dallas Texas.
From that time on I've been petrified of not having good brakes.

It's funny now but I was horrified going down that hill with no brakes.

[Homegrwoninillinois]

My mechanical education started with my first bicycle.
The chain came off and I couldn't get it back on.
I was probably 4 or 5 years old.
Our street was on a hill and on the corner next to Mrs Oliver's house was another hill headed north.
I decided to coast down the hill and that's when I realized I didn't have any brakes.
At the bottom of the hill I flew through the intersection and crashed into a giant live oak tree.
It barked the whole side of my face and my Mom came running to rescue me.
This was around the time JFK was shot in Dallas Texas.
From that time on I've been petrified of not having good brakes.

It's funny now but I was horrified going down that hill with no brakes.

We were pretty poor when I was a kid. Only one parent left at home. I had pink bike, it also had no breaks and I would ride down a steep hill near our home with no hands, straight in the air and never stopped at the stop sign for oncoming traffic. Thank goodness I have calmed down in my age and I wasn't killed or harmed someone.

How are the breaks on your car? LOL

[Cornelius_Gotchberg]

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The Gotch

[worth1]

@karstopography
Anti lock brakes or any brakes for that matter won't work on a sheet of plywood in the road.
It happened to me once at the old intersection at the Colorado River bridge at 183 Airport Blvd and 7th Street in Austin.
You know the spot.
I had to hit the brakes to slow down not going fast but I rolled up on a sheet of plywood in the road.
Now I'm surfing on plywood behind a car.
I had to think fast and let off the brakes and roll off the plywood and then hit the brakes again so I could stop.
It all happened in a second.
Most people would have crashed not realizing what was going on.

[rdback]

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[worth1]

Our armadillo needs his bands adjusted.

[MissS]

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[MissS]

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[worth1]

I read where someone thought Tom Petty was Richard Petty's son.

[worth1]

I just saw a parody song called California fleein by the Beach Boys.
Trouble is the Mama's and the Papas sang California Dreaming not the Beach Boys. .

[Homegrwoninillinois]

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[rdback]

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[worth1]

Michelle Phillips ate a banana while lip syncing on the Ed Sullivan show.

[rdback]

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